Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
