Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she peed on how many people?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
