Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
