A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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