everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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