Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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