part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i believe in u and ur pee
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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