I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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