she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
