It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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