An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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