I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
