How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
