Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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