We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
