I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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