You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
