So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
