So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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