I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
so much tequila, so little girl.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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