Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
