whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
