i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
