Please, let me fuck your mom
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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