My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
