hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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