paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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