one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Still dying that you shit outside
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
