I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
