Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I checked into jail on foursquare
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
