Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
