you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
