ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
