If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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