every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
