so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
