well I can't set my house on fire every night
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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