I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
