the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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