Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
