How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
