it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
