Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
