No awkward lesbian experiences without me
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
