You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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