just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
