Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
