For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
