ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
