that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
