she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Everclear isn't food dammit
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
